Commercials

WAtching-TVI listen to the TV and scratch my eyebrow: “While taking Ciallis don’t drink in excess” – what? we can go ahead and drink in excess if we don’t use Ciallis?
“Use caution when operating machinery” – good advice. and,
“Call your doctor if having an erection lasting more than four hours” – my all time favorite. What the hell? First off, who knows a doctor who can be reached at 3:30 in the morning, second: is this really a problem you need to mention on EVERY “male enhancement” commercial? I strongly suspect that the advertisers are trying to create fear in men of underperforming when NOT using their dang pills…

Then there is the always popular, “…but wait, there is more”, as if we are all rushing to the telephone, but must halt to become aware of an even greater deal.

Other brilliant phrases heard on the air-ways: “The police is trying to track down the alleged perpetrator…” No, the police is probably trying to find the criminal, and when they catch him he will become the alleged perpetrator, but trust me, they are looking for the real guy.

When the police are tracking someone with a “canine unit” – it’s a damn dog, guys. It’s a DOG.

Also, have you noticed that something is always “absolutely free”, never “free”. What is the difference? The same difference between “no parking” and “absolutely no parking”? or the other version, “No parking any time”, which also seems to be a bit of judicial overreach, since “any time” means that “from before the dinasours roamed the earth until the sun becomes a supernova – there will be no parking on this spot”.

And how can anyone assure me that there is “absolutely no risk” in ordering a product? How do they know? The UPS driver could lose control and plow through my rhododendrons, I could drop the package on my butterfly collection, or the woman I’m with could hate the color, and leave me forever.

Ahh. I feel a little better now…

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